Undocumented Windows Errors, Part I
*WinErr: 001 Windows loaded - System in danger
*WinErr: 002 No Error - Yet
*WinErr: 003 Dynamic linking error - Your mistake is now in every file
*WinErr: 004 Erroneous error - Nothing is wrong
*WinErr: 005 Multitasking attempted - System confused
*WinErr: 006 Malicious error - Disk view found on drive
*WinErr: 007 System price error - Inadequate money spent on hardware
*WinErr: 008 Broken window - Watch out for glass fragments
*WinErr: 009 Horrible bug encountered - No one knows what has happened
*WinErr: 00A Promotional literature overflow - Mailbox full
*WinErr: 00B Inadequate disk space - Free at least 500MB
*WinErr: 00C Memory hog error - More Ram needed. More! More! More!
*WinErr: 00D Window closed - Do not look outside
*WinErr: 00E Window open - Do not look inside
*WinErr: 00F Unexplained error - Please tell us how this happened
*WinErr: 010 Reserved for future mistakes by our developers
*WinErr: 011 Window open - Do not look outside
*WinErr: 012 Window closed - Do not look inside
*WinErr: 013 Unexpected error - Huh ?
*WinErr: 014 Keyboard locked - Try anything you can think of.
*WinErr: 018 Unrecoverable error - System has been destroyed.
Buy a new one. Old windows licence is not valid anymore.
*WinErr: 019 User error - Not our fault. Is Not! Is Not!
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Dogs and Computers
Dogs and Computers: Same or Different?
Favorite Food
Dogs: kibbles
Computers: bits
Method used to end undesirable behavior
Dogs: hit with rolled up newspaper
Computers: hit control-alt-delete
After destruction of personal property
D: dog not found
C: file not found
Favorite trick
D: roll over
C: play dead
Comic-page hero
D: Dogbert
C: Dilbert
Fun way to mess with their heads
D: peanut butter on roof of mouth
C: peanut butter in CD-ROM drive
Consequence of virus
D: replace valuable carpeting
C: replace valuable data
Widely ignored government mandate
D: leash law
C: Communications Decency Act
Waste disposal tool
D: pooper-scooper
C: uninstaller (necessary only on Win-tel machines!)
Method of marking territory
D: lifting leg
C: "Designed for Windows XP"
Unique behavior
D: lick and drag
C: click-and-drag
Inexplicable physical feature
D: dewclaw
C: scroll lock key
Estimated lifespan
D: 12 years
C: 12 months
At end of useful life
D: euthanasia
C: tax deduction
Favorite Food
Dogs: kibbles
Computers: bits
Method used to end undesirable behavior
Dogs: hit with rolled up newspaper
Computers: hit control-alt-delete
After destruction of personal property
D: dog not found
C: file not found
Favorite trick
D: roll over
C: play dead
Comic-page hero
D: Dogbert
C: Dilbert
Fun way to mess with their heads
D: peanut butter on roof of mouth
C: peanut butter in CD-ROM drive
Consequence of virus
D: replace valuable carpeting
C: replace valuable data
Widely ignored government mandate
D: leash law
C: Communications Decency Act
Waste disposal tool
D: pooper-scooper
C: uninstaller (necessary only on Win-tel machines!)
Method of marking territory
D: lifting leg
C: "Designed for Windows XP"
Unique behavior
D: lick and drag
C: click-and-drag
Inexplicable physical feature
D: dewclaw
C: scroll lock key
Estimated lifespan
D: 12 years
C: 12 months
At end of useful life
D: euthanasia
C: tax deduction
Monday, June 28, 2010
Understanding a Woman's Language
Understanding a Woman's Language
"Fine" - This is the word we use at the end of any argument that we feel we are right about but need to shut you up. NEVER use fine to describe how a woman looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments.
"Five minutes" - This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it's an even trade.
"Nothing" - This means something and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with the word "Fine".
"Go Ahead" (with raised eyebrows) - This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine".
"Go Ahead" (normal eyebrows) - This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care". You will get a raised eyebrow "Go ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.
(loud sigh) - This is not actually a word, but is still often a verbal statement very misunderstood by men. She thinks you are an idiot at that moment and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing".
(soft sigh) - Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. "Soft sighs" are one of the few things that some men actually understand. She is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe and she will stay content.
"Oh" - This word followed by any statement is trouble. Example; "Oh, let me get that". Or, "Oh, I talked to him about what you were doing last night." If she says "Oh" before a statement, RUN, do not walk, to the nearest exit. She will tell you that she is "Fine" when she is done tossing your clothes out the window, but do not expect her to talk to you for at least 2 days. "Oh" as the lead to a sentence usually signifies that you are caught in a lie. Do not try to lie more to get out of it, or you will get raised eyebrows "Go ahead" followed by acts so unspeakable that we can't bring ourselves to write about them.
"That's Okay" - This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can say to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you retributions for what ever it is that you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and used in conjunction with a raised eyebrow "Go ahead". At some point in the near future when she has plotted and planned, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.
"Please Do" - This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance to tell the truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay".
"Thanks" - A woman is thanking you. Do not faint; just say you're welcome.
"Thanks a lot" - This is much different from "Thanks". A woman will say, "Thanks a lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have hurt her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh". Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh", as she will only tell you "Nothing".
"Fine" - This is the word we use at the end of any argument that we feel we are right about but need to shut you up. NEVER use fine to describe how a woman looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments.
"Five minutes" - This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it's an even trade.
"Nothing" - This means something and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with the word "Fine".
"Go Ahead" (with raised eyebrows) - This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine".
"Go Ahead" (normal eyebrows) - This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care". You will get a raised eyebrow "Go ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.
(loud sigh) - This is not actually a word, but is still often a verbal statement very misunderstood by men. She thinks you are an idiot at that moment and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing".
(soft sigh) - Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. "Soft sighs" are one of the few things that some men actually understand. She is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe and she will stay content.
"Oh" - This word followed by any statement is trouble. Example; "Oh, let me get that". Or, "Oh, I talked to him about what you were doing last night." If she says "Oh" before a statement, RUN, do not walk, to the nearest exit. She will tell you that she is "Fine" when she is done tossing your clothes out the window, but do not expect her to talk to you for at least 2 days. "Oh" as the lead to a sentence usually signifies that you are caught in a lie. Do not try to lie more to get out of it, or you will get raised eyebrows "Go ahead" followed by acts so unspeakable that we can't bring ourselves to write about them.
"That's Okay" - This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can say to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you retributions for what ever it is that you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and used in conjunction with a raised eyebrow "Go ahead". At some point in the near future when she has plotted and planned, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.
"Please Do" - This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance to tell the truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay".
"Thanks" - A woman is thanking you. Do not faint; just say you're welcome.
"Thanks a lot" - This is much different from "Thanks". A woman will say, "Thanks a lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have hurt her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh". Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh", as she will only tell you "Nothing".
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