Politically Correct Kid Stuff

Kids, here's how to be politally correct:


Your bedroom isn't cluttered;
it's "PASSAGE-RESTRICTIVE."


Kids don't get in trouble anymore.
They merely "HIT SOCIAL SPEED BUMPS."


You're not having a bad hair day;
You're suffering from "REBELLIOUS FOLLICLE SYNDROME."


No one's tall anymore.
They're "VERTICALLY ENHANCED."


You're not shy.
You're "CONVERSATIONALLY SELECTIVE."


You don't talk a lot.
You're "ABUNDANTLY VERBAL."


It's not called gossip any more.
It's "TRANSMISSION OF NEAR-FACTUAL INFORMATION."


The food at the school cafeteria isn't awful.
It's "DIGESTIVELY CHALLENGED."


Your homework isn't missing;
it's just having an "OUT-OF-NOTEBOOK EXPERIENCE."


You're not sleeping in class;
you're "RATIONING CONSCIOUSNESS."


You don't have smelly gym socks;
you have "ODOR-RETENTIVE ATHLETIC FOOTWEAR."


You weren't passing notes in class.
You were "PARTICIPATING IN THE DISCREET EXCHANGE OF PENNED MEDITATIONS."


You're not being sent to the principal's office.
You're "GOING ON A MANDATORY FIELD TRIP TO THE ADMINISTRATIVE BUILDING."