Rules for Parking in New Jersey

Rules for Parking in New Jersey


Rule #1 - When waiting for a parking spot, stop in the
middle of the road, don't signal, and orient your car
diagonally to prevent others from passing.


Rule #2 - Always park on the lines, taking up as many
spots as possible. Diagonal parking is preferred.


Rule #3 - In a crowded parking lot, if you find a spot
and have the opportunity to pull through to an adjacent
one, drive up half way and stop on the line, taking both.


Rule #4 - As you pull into a spot, if you see that the
space ahead of you is empty and you see another driver
signalling to take it, pull though and take it from him.


Rule #5 - Always park close enough to the adjacent car
so that the other driver must grease up with Vaseline to
squeeze into his/her car.


Rule #6 - When getting out of your car, hit the adjacent
vehicle with your door really hard.


Rule #7 - When driving through the parking lot, ignore
the painted lanes and drive diagonally from one end to
another at a high rate of speed.


Rule #8 - When stopped in front of a store and waiting
for a friend/relative to make a purchase, make sure that
you are stopped in the middle of the road. The same
rule applies to picking up and discharging passengers.


Rule #9 - When a vehicle from the opposite direction is
signalling and waiting for a parking space, position
your car so that you are in his way and let the car
behind you take it.


Rule #10 - If you have Handicap license plates, use up
a regular parking spot.


Rule #11 - If you hit the adjacent car with your door
and leave a dent, wait for a car which is painted the
same color as yours to drive down the aisle looking
for a place to park. Then back out, giving up your
spot like "Mr. Good Guy" and park somewhere else.


Rule #12 - If the vehicle in front of you stops to let
a pedestrian cross or another vehicle turn, pull into
the opposite lane of traffic and attempt to pass him.


Rule #13 - deleted...for those who are superstitious!


Rule #14 - When exiting a mall into a busy road, exit
through the narrow "ENTER ONLY" driveway, stick the
nose of the car into traffic, and wait.


Rule #15 - When driving through a parking lot with
alternating one-way aisles and angled parking spots,
drive the wrong way. Then when you see a parking
space, take 20 minutes to do a 12-point turn in order
to pull into it.


Rule #16 - Always leave your shopping cart behind or
tightly between parked vehicles.


Rule #17 - Empty your ashtrays on the ground in mall
parking lots. While you're at it, dump out all the
garbage, too, including that Wendy's or McDonald's
bag that's been sitting in the back seat since last
Tuesday's breakfast.


Rule #18 - If you are forced to change an infant's
diaper in a parking lot, leave the soiled diaper
under the car next to you.


Rule #19 - When another vehicle is waiting for you to
pull out of a spot in a crowded parking lot, take
your time. Adjust the mirrors, your seat, and the
radio. Roll down your window, light a cigarette, and
eat your lunch. Feel free to go through your shopping
bags and look at what you just bought.


Rule #20 - When pulling into a parking spot, if there
is a shopping cart in the way, lightly tap it with your
bumper and send it rolling into an adjacent car. Then
if the cart is still too close when you step out, push
it down the parking lot aisle and let it go. While the
cart is flying solo, turn around and walk toward the
stores.


Rule #21 - When walking back to your car in a busy mall
gesture to other drivers waiting for a spot to make them
think that you are getting in the car and leaving. Then
walk between the cars to the next aisle and do it again.


Rule #22 - When shopping at the mall and you have to
load your bags into the car before going back in to do
more shopping, do NOT tell the driver who is sitting
patiently watching you load your car and signalling for
your spot.


Rule #23 - When walking back to your car, if you notice
other shoppers walking past your car to get to theirs,
press the buttons on your key chain remote so that your
car's alarm makes a sudden loud "BLOOP BLEEP" that
scares the you-know-what out of them.


Rule #24 - If you don't see a speed limit sign posted
in the mall parking lot, there isn't any!


Rule #25 - If you back into a parked car and the driver
isn't around, take out a piece of paper and start writing.
This is especially effective if there are witnesses. On a
piece of paper write, "There were people who saw me hit
your car. They think I'm writing my name, address, and
phone number."