Medical School Rejects

Medical School Application Answers:

Why the idiot's application for Medical School got rejected.....

QUESTION: DEFINE THE FOLLOWING TERMS

Antibody: against everyone

Artery: the study of fine paintings

Bacteria: back door to a cafeteria

Benign: what you have after eight

Cardiology: advance study of poker playing

Cat Scan: searching for lost kitty

Chronic: neck of a crow

Coma: Punctuation mark

Cyst: short of Sister

Diagnosis: person with slanted nose

Dislocation: in this place

Duodenum: couple in jeans

Enema: not a friend

False Labor: pretending to work

Gallbladder: bladder in a girl

Hernia: she is close by

Hymen: greeting to several males

Labor Pain: hut at work

Lactose: person without digits on

Liposuction: a French Kiss

Lymph : walk unsteadily

Menopause: I no wait

Microbes: small dressing gowns

Obesity: city of Obe

Pacemaker: winner of Nobel Peace Prize

Protein: a favour of teens

Pulse: grain

Pus: small cat

Red Blood Count: Dracula

Rupture: ecstasy

Secretion: hiding anything

Serum: Sailors drink

Subcutaneous: not cute enough

Suture: Gujarati word for "what do you want"

Tablet: small table

Doctor, Doctor!

"Doctor! Doctor! You've gotta help me! I think I'm a snail!!"
"Don't worry. We'll soon have you out of your shell."


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"Doctor! Doctor! You've gotta help me! I'm *SHRINKING*!!"
"Now, now, you'll just have to be a little patient."


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"Doctor! Doctor! You've gotta help me! I think I'm a pack of cards!"
"I'll deal with you later."


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"Doctor! Doctor! You've gotta help me! I think I'm a pair of curtains!"
"Pull yourself together.


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"Doctor! Doctor! You've gotta help me! I think I'm a bridge!"
"What's come over you?"
"A big truck, two buses and a lot of cars."


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"Doctor! Doctor! You've gotta help me! My daughter has swallowed my pen! What should I do?"
"Use a pencil."


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"Doctor! Doctor! You've gotta help me! I think I'm a spoon!"
"Still still and don't stir."


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"Doctor! Doctor! You've gotta help me! I think I'm invisible!"
"Next Please!"


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"Doctor! Doctor! You've gotta help me! I swallowed my harmonica!"
"Well, looking on the bright side, at least you weren't playing a grand piano."


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"Doctor! Doctor! You've gotta help me! I think I'm a bell!"
"Take these pills. If they don't help give me a ring."


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"Doctor! Doctor! You've gotta help me! I think I'm suffering from Deja Vu!"
"Didn't I see you yesterday?"


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"Doctor! Doctor! You've gotta help me! Sometimes I feel like a wigwam and sometimes I feel like a teepee!"
"You're two tents."

What Doctors Really Mean

What Doctors Say, and What They Really Mean


"This should be taken care of right away."
Really Means
"I'm going to Hawaii next month, but this is so easy and profitable that I want to fix it before it cures itself."


"Wellll, what do we have here...?"
Really Means
"I have no idea what's wrong with you and I'm hoping you'll give me a clue."


"Let me check your medical history."
Really Means
"I want to see if you've paid your last bill before spending any more time on this.


"Why don't we make another appointment later in the week."
Really Means
"I'm playing golf this afternoon"
-- OR --
"I want a new boat so I'm charging you for another office visit."


"We have some good news and some bad news."
Really Means
"The good news is, I'm going to buy that new boat. The bad news is, you're going to pay for it."


"Let's see how it develops."
Really Means
"Maybe in a few days it will turn into something that can be cured."


"Let me schedule you for some tests."
Really Means
" I have a forty percent interest in the lab."


"I'd like to have my associate look at you."
Really Means
"He's going through a messy divorce and owes me a bundle."


"I'd like to prescribe a new drug."
Really Means
"I'm writing a paper and would like to use you for a guinea pig."


"Call the office if it doesn't clear up in a week."
Really Means
"I don't know what it is. Maybe it'll go away by itself."
-- OR --
"I've never seen anything so disgusting. Thank Goodness I'm off next week."


"That's quite a nasty looking wound."
Really Means
"I think I'm going to throw up."


"This may smart a little."
Really Means
"Last week two patients bit off their tongues."


"Well, we're not feeling so well today, are we ...?"
Really Means
"I'm stalling for time. Who are you and why are you here?"


"This should fix you up."
Really Means
"The drug company slipped me some big bucks to prescribe this stuff."


"Everything seems to be normal."
Really Means
"Rats! I guess I can't buy that new boat after all."


"I'd like to run some more tests."
Really Means
"I can't figure out what's wrong. Maybe the kid in the lab can solve this one."


"Do you suppose all this stress could be affecting your nerves?"
Really Means
"You're crazier'n an outhouse rat. Now, if I can only find a shrink who'll split the fees with me ..."


"There is a lot of that going around."
Really Means
"Good Lord! That's the third one this week. I'd better learn something about this."