It is the Olympic men's figure skating. Out comes the Russian competitor. He skates around to some classical music in a slightly dull costume performs some excellent leaps but with out any great artistic feel for the music.
The Judges' scores:
Britain 5.8
Russia 5.9
United States 5.5
Ireland 6.0
Next comes the American competitor in a sparkling stars and stripes costume, skating to hip-hop. He gets the crowd clapping, but technically is nowhere near as good as the Russian. He misses landing a triple Salchow and loses the center during a spin. But artistically he gave
a more satisfying performance.
a more satisfying performance.
The Judges' scores:
Britain 5.8
Russia 5.5
United States 5.9
Ireland 6.0
Finally out comes the Irish competitor, wearing a tatty old donkey jacket with his skates tied over his wellies. He reaches the ice, trips and bangs his nose. The nose starts to bleed. He gets up, staggers a few paces and then slips again. Finally he crawls off the ice a bleeding mess.
The Judges' scores read:
Britain 0.0
Russia 0.0
United States 0.0
Ireland 6.0
The other British, Russian and American judges ask the Irish judge in unison, "How can you possibly give that mess 6.0?!?"
"You gotta remember, laddies, it's mighty slippery out there!"
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