New York City-isms

Only those that grew up or lived in New York City will
understand these:

There is no north and south. It's 'uptown' or 'downtown.'
If you're really from New York you have absolutely no
concept of where north and south are ... and anything east
or west is 'crosstown.'

You know how to make an egg cream [hint: there are no eggs
and no cream].

You ride in a subway car with no air conditioning just
because there are seats available.

You know what a 'regular' coffee is.

You move 3,000 miles away and spend ten years learning the
local language but the minute you open your mouth people
still know you're from Brooklyn, Long Island, Staten
Island (the other "The Island") or "Those Bronx".

You return after ten years and all you want are a real
pizza and a real bagel.

A 500 square foot apartment is HUGE.

You wouldn't bother ordering pizza in any other city.

You're not the least bit interested in going to the
Statue of Liberty, the Empire State Building or Times
Square on New Year's Eve.

Your internal clock is permanently set to know when
alternate side of the street parking regulations are in
effect.

You know what a bodega is.

When someone bumps into you, you check for your wallet.

You don't even notice the lady walking down the street
having a perfectly normal conversation with herself.

You pay 'only' $350 a month to park your car.

You cringe when you hear people pronounce "Houston
Street" like the city in Texas.

A presidential visit is not an honor, it's a major
traffic jam.