Truths for Mature People

Truths For Mature Humans:

1. Part of a best friend's job should be to immediately
clear your computer history if you die.

2. Nothing hurts more than that moment during an argument
when you realize you're wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to
nap when I was younger.

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

5. How the heck are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?

7. MapQuest really needs to start their directions on
#5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my
neighborhood.

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they
told you how the person died.

9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind
of tired.

10. Bad decisions make good stories.

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a
moment at work when you know that you just aren't going
to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after
Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection
... again.

13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word
and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my
ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any
changes to.

14. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never
wash this -- ever.

15. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring
(Hello? Hello? Dang it!), but when I immediately call back,
it rings nine times and goes to an answering machine. What
did you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run
away?

16. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and
then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What
a waste!

17. I keep some people's phone numbers in my cell phone
just so I know not to answer when they call.

18. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

19. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given
Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller
Lite than Kay.

20. Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I
was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the
heck was going on when I first saw it.

21. I would rather try to carry ten over-loaded plastic
bags in each hand than take two trips to bring in my
groceries.

22. The only time I look forward to a red light is when
I'm trying to finish a text.

23. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between
boredom and hunger.

24. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?"
before you just nod and smile because you still didn't
hear or understand a word they said?

25. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line
of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the
front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!

26. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants
never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

27. Is it just me or do high school kids get dumber and
dumber every year?

28. There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're
sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a
little too far.

29. As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I
hate drivers, but no matter what my mode of
transportation, I always hate bicyclists.

30. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive
times and still not know what time it is.

31. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble
locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell
phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I bet
everyone can find and push the snooze button from three
feet away. In about 1.7 seconds. Eyes closed. First time,
every time.